my heart just goes to you ; one-shot

[riots]

Title: My Heart Just Goes To You
Author: loudestoflove
Pairing: Hoya/Dongwoo
Rating: PG
Length: 4900~ words
Summary: AU. Infinite is a struggling band but Hoya figures it's all worthwhile, as long as Dongwoo's around.
A/N: many thanks to donotsetmeon for being my saving grace

Sometimes Hoya thinks he could live in these moments forever. When Woohyun screams “Thank you, we are Read the Riot Act!”, and Hoya stands behind his drums, arms raised, chest heaving and sweat dripping down the back of his neck, and the kids scream back. These are the moments that make it all worth it.

The venue is sweltering, between the summer heat and the crowd in front of the stage, and they're all overheated and exhausted. It was the first show of their tour, their home show, and it didn't disappoint. Hoya throws his sticks into the crowd and then follows Sungyeol offstage. Woohyun stays until the bitter end, of course, blowing kisses and grabbing hands. He thrives off the attention, the adoration.

Backstage, Hoya grabs a bottle of water and dumps half of it over his head before taking a sip. He throws himself into his drumming and by the end of every show he's aching and exhausted in the absolutely best way. He tips his head back for another sip when damp, wiry arms wrap around him from behind, a hand reaching for his water bottle. “Share?” Dongwoo asks, chin digging into Hoya's shoulder, and Hoya hands it over without complaint.

It's too hot for too much skin on skin contact, so Dongwoo slides off, looking pleased. His grin stretches from ear to ear and it's so bright and infectious, Hoya can't help but return it. Dongwoo's dark blue hair is plastered to his forehead, an utter mess, eyeliner streaked with perspiration but he's glowing with adrenaline and happiness. He looks so alive, Hoya thinks, slinging an arm around Dongwoo's neck. “Way to start things off with a bang, right?”

Sungyeol lets out a howl and throws a water bottle at the two of them that narrowly misses, his long hair swept up and out of his face. His big eyes are still wide with the energy from the stage. “That was amazing,” he says, his voice loud in the small room. “This tour is going to be fantastic.” Hoya stoops to pick up the water bottle and toss it back, and his aim is much better. It bounces off Sungyeol's forehead and he scowls at Hoya.

His keyboard under his deceptively delicate arm, Sungjong emerges from the stage. His makeup is still impeccable, and Hoya thinks it's impressive. “I'm so excited to leave,” he gushes, and he pulls Hoya in for a quick one-armed hug. “I think this is it.”

Ever the optimist, Dongwoo is quick to agree. It's too soon for Hoya to judge, but he likes their enthusiasm. Sungjong hugs Dongwoo next and the two of them press their heads together quickly, like they could meld together in their happiness. It makes Hoya laugh.

Sunggyu doesn't quite share all of the enthusiasm going around backstage. He's finally managed to drag Woohyun away from his adoring public, and Woohyun is drunk on the adrenaline and attention. His vest is hanging open and he keeps declaring that tonight is a night for celebration. Myungsoo trails after them, ducking under Woohyun's outspread arms, a look of wry amusement on his face. He glances over towards Hoya and the two of them exchange a quick look. Woohyun is at the top of his game tonight, obviously.

Sunggyu's expression aims for stern, but there's a smile pulling at his lips and he finally agrees to a celebration, but only after they all pack everything up so they can head out tomorrow. The band erupts in noise and Woohyun plants an enthusiastic kiss on Sunggyu before he whoops and heads off to grab an amp. Sunggyu looks shell-shocked and even Myungsoo laughs.

Packing up doesn't take long when they're all this pumped, even if they don't have any roadies. Hoya hoist his drums with ease, the ache he feels from the night's exertions comforting, in a way. Hometown shows are always better, not just because of the higher energy levels and bigger crowds, but because they can count on some of the kids to lend a hand in exchange for a bit of conversation. Hoya likes those kids. They treat his drums like they're made of glass and the bit of hero worship always gives his ego a boost. He signs a few albums and then Dongwoo finds him again, steering him towards the bar to pick up their drink vouchers with a hand against the small of his back.



-



The night air is still warm when they emerge, but there's a breeze that raises goosebumps on Hoya's arms. He's pleasantly drunk, just enough to make his shoulders loose and his steps a bit wobbly. Dongwoo's a little worse off, stumbling over the curb and veering in odd directions. Hoya catches him before he can fall and Dongwoo laughs, his voice echoing in the empty streets. Dongwoo hooks an arm around Hoya's neck and clings to him. “I'm so glad I get to do this with you,” he murmurs.

Hoya gets a firm hold on Dongwoo's waist, steering him down the street with an ease that comes from practice. “Do what?” he asks curiously, a half-smile pulling at his lips.

Dongwoo waves his free hand vaguely, head lolling back. “This! The band thing. The music thing. The beer drinking thing.” Hoya laughs and Dongwoo joins him, a broad, sleepy smile on his wide mouth. “I'm serious!”

“I know,” Hoya tells him, amused.

Dongwoo wrinkles his nose at him good-naturedly. “Don't give me that look,” he tells Hoya.

They wind their way down narrow streets towards their apartment and Dongwoo's heels drag loudly on pavement. “No look,” Hoya reassures him.

Dongwoo's fingers curl solidly around Hoya's neck. “I mean, sometimes it's hard and stuff, but.” He ducks his head, his expression fond. “I get to be in a band with my best friend in the whole world.”

Hoya digs his fingertips into Dongwoo's hip and his laughter is quiet. “Me too,” he agrees. He means it, too, more than he can put into words. He loves the band, all of them, but Dongwoo has been his best friend for years. It's a bit of a dream come true to get to tour the country with him. They're not famous, not by a long shot, and sometimes things get tight. There's been more than one show where they've had to beg the kids for a place to stay, or panhandled outside the venue for enough change to buy lunch. Thing is, as long as Hoya has Dongwoo around to keep him company, it's nothing. He supposes that if he dwelt on that concept he'd start digging up a whole mess of feelings. He's too drunk for that right now, though, and Dongwoo is pointing him towards what must be the one street vendor still open this time at night, so he pushes that away.

They pool together their money and find they have enough for a fish cake. Dongwoo eats it messily as they make their way home, obediently letting Hoya steer him away from streetlamps and signs. His happiness is always so infectious and he keeps pulling Hoya into one armed hugs, telling him how much he loves him. At one point he grabs Hoya's collar and hauls him in to press a sloppy kiss to his forehead. Hoya pushes him off, but he can't help how he's blushing, or the grin he just can't seem to make go away.

They stumble into their apartment and Dongwoo struggles with his boots. He doesn't have the motor control to pull them off. Hoya shakes his head at Dongwoo fondly and drops to his knees, pinning Dongwoo back against the wall with a hand so he won't fall down and making quick work of Dongwoo's boots. When he's done, he stands again and gently nudges Dongwoo towards their bedroom. From the look of the spotless sneakers by the door, Sungjong and the rest are already back, so he shushes Dongwoo. Dongwoo pivots unsteadily and presses a finger to his lips, shushing Hoya back.

Dongwoo shuffles his way to the bedroom and Hoya makes a detour to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. The apartment isn't the nicest, but it's been home for a couple of years now. The five of them, Sungjong, Myungsoo and Sungyeol sharing one room, Hoya and Dongwoo in the other. Hoya doesn't even have to turn the lights on anymore, his feet know their way across worn, ugly linoleum from the seventies, and he knows how to jiggle the tap just right to get the water to run cold. They only have one bed between the five of them, and it had ended up in the other bedroom after Sungjong had complained ferociously for days. It was okay, though, at least he and Dongwoo have a mattress, and when he rolls off the bed, there's less distance to fall.

When he gets to the bedroom, Dongwoo's already sprawled across the mattress, face pushed into the pillow, clothes still on. He tilts his head up when he hears Hoya come in and a sleepy grin spreads across his lips. “You always know,” he marvels, reaching up a skinny arm for the glass in Hoya's hands.

“Years of practice,” Hoya replies. He's spent enough nights at the bar with Dongwoo to know that he needs water before bed, or he ends up immobile with a hangover. Dongwoo struggles up into a sitting position and takes a sip while Hoya tugs off his jeans and crawls onto the mattress next to Dongwoo. It's hot tonight, but they don't have air-conditioning, so Hoya flicks on a feeble old fan and lays back.

The beer and the exertion of the show have drained Hoya, and he's about ready to drop off, when Dongwoo sets the glass down on the floor with an audible click and rolls over, curling a skinny arm across Hoya's chest. Dongwoo always gets a bit clingy when he's drunk, but this still startles Hoya. “It's too hot,” Hoya grumbles, pushing at Dongwoo's shoulder, but Dongwoo digs his fingers into Hoya's ribs and won't be moved.

“Shut up,” Dongwoo tells him, settling his head on Hoya's chest. Hoya would complain, but he's too tired and just drunk enough to chuckle and shift his arm to rest under Dongwoo's neck.

Dongwoo's breath ghosts across Hoya's skin and it sets off a comfortable, warm feeling in Hoya's ribcage. He knows that Dongwoo is already nodding off, he can feel it in the way he's gone boneless against him and his breaths are deepening and slowing. He's always been a little jealous of Dongwoo's ability to fall asleep anywhere, any time, and then sleep through anything. Back when they were in high school, Dongwoo would prop up a textbook and nap through class. Hoya can't even count the number of times he'd woken Dongwoo up by tipping the textbook onto his face or tugging his shirt. The nice thing about Dongwoo is he is the most easy going sleeper. He's never grumpy when he wakes up, although occasionally he's incredibly disoriented, which is, Hoya thinks, a little adorable.

He can't really remember a time before he and Dongwoo were friends. They had somehow gravitated towards each other when they were kids and become instant friends, the kind of friends who had weekly sleepovers, inseparable. Hoya couldn't help but like Dongwoo, he was so unfailingly and genuinely nice and friendly and his laughter was loud and unselfconscious. He liked the way that when Dongwoo smiled, he couldn't help but smile back, and the way that Dongwoo always included him. As they'd grown older, none of that had changed, either. As they met the others, started the band, Dongwoo never lost his friendly nature, never stopped being as open and optimistic as he'd always been. Hoya appreciated it.

Hoya exhales as he stares up at the ceiling, reflecting, and Dongwoo turns his face into Hoya's throat. “I can hear you thinking,” he murmurs, and Hoya blinks down at him, surprised. “Stop that. Go to sleep.”

Sleepy, bossy Dongwoo makes Hoya laugh and hold him tighter. “Okay, okay,” he grumbles, and Dongwoo hums, pleased. It's sticky hot, but the warmth that Hoya feels has nothing to do with the summer air and everything to do with Dongwoo's head on his chest.



-



They hit the road the next day, and a little later that week it's Hoya's turn to pull an all-nighter and drive. Honestly? He doesn't really mind it. There's something peaceful about the dark and the quiet, the empty roads and trying to find a radio station that plays something other than sermons at one am.

The rest of the van is silent except for the sound of sleeping guys and the occasional snort from Sungyeol. He's propped straight up, his head tipped back at an awkward angle, and Hoya knows that his neck is going to kill in the morning. Hoya's not in a position to do anything though, so he leaves it.

Next to him, in the front seat, Dongwoo is curled up, fast asleep. He'd called shotgun and insisted that he'd help keep Hoya awake, but as usual, he was one of the first to nod off. Hoya throws a fond look at him. He appreciates the thought, anyway.

He's tired, not that he'd admit it. It's his turn, fair and square, but he's only been driving for an hour and he's already resorting to pinching the insides of his arms to wake himself up. He does it again, hard, when Dongwoo slaps his hand away. “Don't do that,” he mumbles, chiding.

Hoya glances at him out of the corner of his eye, surprised. “I didn't know you were awake,” he admits.

Dongwoo rubs a knuckle into his eye socket, smearing what was left of the night's eye makeup. “I wasn't.” He unfolds himself and reaches out to play with the radio. After a few seconds of scrolling past golden oldies and infomercials he leaves it on some jazzy crap and flashes an apologetic smile at Hoya. “Sorry. Not a very good driving buddy, am I?”

“No worries.” Hoya shakes his head. “You needed sleep.” His eyes are on the road, but in his peripheral vision he can see Dongwoo watching him steadily.

To his credit, Dongwoo does keep him company for most of the rest of the night. He sits with his legs crossed underneath him in the seat, speaking quietly, or as quietly as he can manage. Hoya likes these moments. On tour, he kind of gets used to being crammed into a van with seven other guys, no time to yourself and no elbow room. He doesn't get much time to just spend time with Dongwoo, and he misses it more than he thought he would.

In between the two of them comparing the relative merits of Batman and Wolverine and Dongwoo dropping into fifteen minute naps almost in the middle of a sentence, Dongwoo pulls out a tiny notebook. He falls silent to scribble notes in it, sometimes looking up at Hoya thoughtfully. When he asks Dongwoo about it, Dongwoo just shifts to conceal the pages from Hoya's line of sight and shrugs secretively.

If his interest wasn't already piqued, that would have done it. Dongwoo's not one for secrets, and especially not from Hoya. He knows he could dig, and Dongwoo would probably 'fess up, but he lets it slide. He's curious, but he knows better than to pry. Dongwoo will come out with it eventually.

Eventually turns out to be half an hour later. Dongwoo beams and announces he's finished writing a song. Hoya glances over at him. “A song?” He's surprised. Most of the song-writing for Read the Riot Act is seen to by Woohyun and Myungsoo, and Sungjong every once in a while. Dongwoo has never really been into it. He wonders about the sudden change in interest.

Dongwoo looks pretty proud of himself, and Hoya thinks that's probably warranted. “Do you want to hear?” Hoya nods.

It's four am, and Hoya is driving a van full of sleeping band members down an empty road, and his best friend is singing to him. Dongwoo's voice isn't great, and it's scratchy with sleep and he's trying to keep the volume down in order to avoid waking up the others, but Hoya can still tell that it's good. There's a kind of raw emotion and honesty to the lyrics that Hoya really likes. He pushes Dongwoo with an arm.

“You never told me you were a song-writer!” he grins, and Dongwoo's expression goes from hesitant to pleased in an instant. “Hiding behind your bass.”

“So you think I should show it to the rest of them?”

“Oh, for sure,” Hoya agrees emphatically. “We gotta write a new album soon, right? I think it'll fit nicely.” Dongwoo ducks his head, and when Hoya takes his eyes off the road for a second again, he sees he's starting to blush. “Don't be like that,” Hoya laughs. “You know I'm just being honest.”

When Dongwoo turns to look at him, his eyes are serious, and his smile small and thoughtful. “I know,” he says, and his voice makes Hoya pause. There's something he's not saying, but Hoya doesn't know how to ask him about it, so he doesn't. They fall into companionable silence. After a while, Dongwoo drifts off again, but it's okay. Hoya has hit his second wind, and he's wide awake again. He figures that in a few hours he'll pull over and someone else will take over, but for now, he's okay. Next to him, Dongwoo sighs in his sleep and Hoya reaches over to brush his hair out of his face. The way that Dongwoo's lips turn up is entirely natural and it makes Hoya smile in return.



-



Hoya is the one that pushes Dongwoo to talk to Woohyun and the rest of the group about the song he's written. He has the lyrics done, and the melody is mapped out, but they need to work out the instrumental parts. Everyone is enthusiastic about it. Woohyun doesn't even whine about how Dongwoo is stealing his song-writing thunder, which Hoya thinks is pretty big of him.

Later that week, they have a day off, and they decide to splurge on a motel room for a night. They camp out in the parking lot and bang out the drum and guitar parts. Hoya feels a little ridiculous, sitting out there in the hot sun at his drum kit, but it's Dongwoo's song, so he puts the effort in. When they go to plan out the keyboard part, Sungjong insists he can wing it, and Hoya half-believes him, too.

Although he and Hoya are worlds different, he and Sungjong always gotten along incredibly well. Hoya admires Sungjong's fierce individuality and his charming nature. He's younger than the rest of them, but he's also incredibly talented on the keyboard. It's impressive. That was how Hoya had found him, a skinny little kid hidden away in their high school music room, whiling away the time after school by playing flourishes and rapid scales on the piano. He had a talent for it, but music class bored him, so Hoya had befriended him, suggested he jam with them sometime. Never one to turn down a challenge, or a chance to impress strangers, Sungjong had taken him up on it. It was only a matter of time before he became a full member of the band.

Sunggyu gets huffy at Sungjong's flippancy, calls him lazy, and Hoya feels compelled to back Sungjong up. They can try it, at least. Grateful, Sungjong squeezes Hoya's hand, and throws Sunggyu a smug look. Sunggyu sighs heavily and throws up his hands, turning on his heel and grumbling about how none of these damn kids listen to him, he's the manager, shouldn't they at least listen?

They soundcheck with Dongwoo's song at the next few shows. After the first time around, Hoya watches Myungsoo clap a hand to Dongwoo's shoulder and grin at him. They're not entirely familiar with it yet, obviously, but the rawness lends a certain edge to the song. Woohyun declares it their next big hit, Sungyeol echoes him and Dongwoo laughs, rubbing at the back of his neck. Hoya knows that Dongwoo's never been any good at accepting compliments.

A few days later, they play it during the show. Woohyun announces that they're trying out a new song written by their very own Dino Dongwoo and the crowd erupts in noise.

Dongwoo's eyes meet Hoya's during the chorus. Woohyun is clinging to the mic stand, singing to that girl in the front row he's had his eye on all night, but Dongwoo has turned to face him. His back to the crowd, Dongwoo is singing along. It's not the first time he's done it, but it is the first time they've performed a song he's written.

Hoya grins at him. He's so proud of Dongwoo. The kids really seem to be digging the song, too. Dongwoo doesn't seem to care about that, though. His eyes are intense, more serious than Hoya had expected. He shoots him a questioning look but Dongwoo doesn't look away, he just keeps singing

That's when Hoya becomes aware of the words that they're singing. Woohyun belts his heart out about being in love with his best friend, one hand pressed to his chest, and Dongwoo is singing along seriously, watching him. It's sheer luck that Hoya manages to keep time. He swallows hard and stares up at Dongwoo, eyebrows raising in question and Dongwoo bites his lip and nods. Hoya's could swear that he feels his heart stutter in his chest. It must be his hands, though, because Myungsoo is throwing him an annoyed look over his shoulder and Hoya corrects, keeps playing.

Hoya doesn't know what to do. He bows his head and focuses on his drumming, because he knows that if he tries to think about it right now, he'll lose all rhythm and mess them all up. He can't do that. He's the drummer, the backbone. They have a job to do.

He regrets it, though. When he looks up again, Dongwoo is gone, wandered to the far edge of the stage, bent over his bass. Hoya can't see Dongwoo's face, but he can see the tight line of his jaw and the hunch of his shoulders and his stomach clenches.

Through the rest of their set, every time Hoya tries to catch Dongwoo's attention, Dongwoo avoids his eye. He sidles up to Myungsoo, lets Woohyun throw a sweaty arm around his neck, and when the set ends he disappears. Hoya wants to follow him, but Sunggyu catches him before he's even offstage. “Where do you think you're going?” he demands, and he pushes Hoya back towards his kit. “We have to pack up. Get your gear.”

It's nights like these when Hoya really wishes they had a roadie. He doesn't object, though, he knows he has to do his part and considering he's got the most shit, he can't just duck out and leave the rest of them.

When he finishes helping them pack everything up, Hoya grabs his jacket and sets out to hunt for Dongwoo. He's not in the van, nor is he in the bar. At the bar, Myungsoo eyes him a bit with suspicion but after some prodding he sends him out towards the empty parking lot across the street from the venue.

Hoya finds Dongwoo sitting on a divider, knees hugged to his chest. He doesn't look up when Hoya approaches, nor does he say anything. Hoya hesitates, then sits next to him, carefully avoiding touching him. “Seems like everyone liked your song,” he says quietly.

Dongwoo shrugs. He must be cold, his shoulders hunched, all folded in on himself, still damp with sweat from the stage. “'Everyone',” he echoes, and when he laughs it sounds hollow. Hoya flinches.

“Well,” he says. “The kids did.” Dongwoo exhales and closes his eyes. “I know I did.”

Dongwoo's head turns just a little and he peeks up at Hoya. “Yeah?” he asks, and Hoya can't miss the tone of hopefulness in his voice. Sometimes, Dongwoo can be such a kid. Hoya slips his jacket off and throws it around Dongwoo's shoulders. Dongwoo lifts his head and slowly pushes his arms into the sleeves. He looks so small and skinny, thin shoulders in Hoya's big jacket, with his hair plastered to his head and his tight jeans. Hoya isn't sure that it's what Dongwoo wants right now, but he wraps an arm around Dongwoo anyway.

“Because it's good,” he says earnestly, and a tiny smile pulls at Dongwoo's lips.

“Thanks.”

They fall silent for a few minutes, Dongwoo leaning into Hoya's shoulder. Dongwoo is waiting, Hoya knows. Hoya is always appreciative of Dongwoo's boundless patience. He just doesn't know what to say. It's a little overwhelming, if he's honest. He'd be lying if he said he didn't think that there's been something between them lately, a tension stretching between them. He's not completely unaware. He just hadn't realized...well, how deep things went. At least for Dongwoo. The fact that those were Dongwoo's words, and meant for him, well, he doesn't know what to say. It sets off a whole world of winged insects in his stomach and leaves him speechless. He looks down at the top of Dongwoo's head. “Was it. Was it for me?”

Dongwoo pulls away, uncharacteristically shy. He watches Hoya from the corner of his eyes. “Yeah,” he says simply.

Hoya nods, staring at the pavement between his feet. He's glad for the dark of the night and the weak yellow light of the street light, because it means that Dongwoo probably can't see the flush creeping across his face. The confirmation makes his stomach twist and he can't look at Dongwoo. “Does this make me like, your muse or something?” he jokes weakly.

Dongwoo doesn't laugh. His teeth dig into his bottom lip. “Hoya,” he says, his voice quiet and kind of small. “Can you just – can you say something that means something?” There's a pleading tone to his words and Hoya's mouth tightens, guilt prodding at him. He realizes, suddenly, that Dongwoo has taken a big risk tonight. He spilled his guts onstage and waited through each song, through taking down the stage, and now here Hoya is, making stupid jokes and avoiding talking about anything. Hoya is being a bit of a dick.

He slides his arm off Dongwoo's shoulder, and Dongwoo's disappointment is instant and obvious, his eyes closing and the hurt written all across his face. Hoya's heart clenches in response and he grabs Dongwoo's hand. He can't stand that expression on Dongwoo. Dongwoo's head jerks up, his eyes wide and guarded. He knows he shouldn't be, but Hoya is suddenly nothing but nerves. He swallows hard and laces his fingers with Dongwoo. It's not like they've never held hands, before, but. “Dummy,” Hoya says hoarsely.

Dongwoo breaks into a sudden laugh and darts forward, pressing a hasty kiss to Hoya's mouth. One hand finds its way to Hoya's chest, fingers digging into the material and pulling him forward and the other is on the back of his neck. Dongwoo kisses with enthusiasm and urgency and no finesse and Hoya loves it. He lets his arms settle around Dongwoo's waist as Dongwoo breaks their kiss. Dongwoo is beaming and Hoya grins back.

“I thought you didn't feel the same way, you dick,” Dongwoo shoves him, but his hand comes to rest on Hoya's knee. “You had me scared.”

Hoya pushes his face into Dongwoo's shoulder. “I'm sorry,” he tells him. Dongwoo smells like sweat and stale cigarette smoke and the cold night air is starting to get to him, so he pulls Dongwoo closer.

Dongwoo drags a hand through Hoya's hair. “I guess I can forgive you,” he laughs. Hoya smiles against Dongwoo's throat. They stay wound together until Sunggyu bellows at them from the van and threatens to kick them both out unless they come right now. Hoya gets up first and he helps Dongwoo to his feet, and if Sunggyu notices Dongwoo wearing Hoya's jacket, he doesn't say anything.

In the van, Dongwoo falls asleep against Hoya's shoulder. On his other side, Myungsoo gives Hoya a long, hard look, eyes falling on their hands laced together in his lap. His expression softens. “I guess I'll have to let you live, then,” he says quietly.

Hoya can see Sunggyu's eyes flick to the rearview mirror to watch them, but he just smiles. “I'd hope so.” Dongwoo shifts in his sleep, burrowing closer to Hoya, and it sends a jolt of warmth down Hoya's spine. He tips his head back against the head-rest. “Good show tonight,” he announces to no one in particular, and Dongwoo's fingers tighten in his.