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Entry tags:
say you're with me ; one-shot
Title: Say You're With Me
Author: loudestoflove
Pairing: Kai/Kyungsoo
Rating: PG-13
Length: 2200~ words
Summary: The keychain hits his wrist as he locks up, and he pushes away thoughts of Jongin's blinding smile when he'd given it to him, years ago. He has no right to be in his head, even now.
A/N: for fluff_bingo, prompt is 'umbrella-sharing'.
Author: loudestoflove
Pairing: Kai/Kyungsoo
Rating: PG-13
Length: 2200~ words
Summary: The keychain hits his wrist as he locks up, and he pushes away thoughts of Jongin's blinding smile when he'd given it to him, years ago. He has no right to be in his head, even now.
A/N: for fluff_bingo, prompt is 'umbrella-sharing'.
The empty bed next to Kyungsoo makes him feel small. It's been a week of this, and he still hasn't gotten accustomed to it. He's used to the furnace of Jongin's body, the way he worms into Kyungsoo's space in his sleep, waking up to a mouthful of Jongin's hair. The cold mornings, the untouched pillow, it leaves an emptiness in Kyungsoo's chest.
He forgets, again, pours the second cup of coffee without thinking. Kyungsoo stands for a minute and stares down at it, the steam coming out of the blue mug. His favourite. As he takes a sip of his own coffee, he very sincerely contemplates throwing it across the room. In the end, the thought of cleaning up the spill and the shards of ceramic dissuades him, and he dumps it unceremoniously into the sink.
The anger's still there, he knows. It had taken him three days to sort out the mess with the electric company, and at least half a day had been spent playing with the light switch in the faint hope that it would miraculously start working again. He couldn't believe that Jongin could just forget to pay the bills for three months. He'd been astonished to find the red cut off notice. At least Jongin had had the good grace to look guilty, he supposes.
It was really just the last straw. The list of things Jongin has forgotten is a mile long and just thinking about it gives Kyungsoo a headache. He rubs his forehead as he grabs his keys and heads out the door. The keychain hits his wrist as he locks up, and he pushes away thoughts of Jongin's blinding smile when he'd given it to him, years ago. He has no right to be in his head, even now.
The days at work stretch long, and Kyungsoo can't focus. He usually finds the routine of the numbers he works with relaxing, but for the last week he's struggled to keep his attention on the the job at hand. He splits his time between playing solitaire and staring blankly at the computer screen.
“Why don't we go grab something to eat?” Kyungsoo is startled out of his revery when Joonmyun pops his head around the divider between their cubicles. The concern in his eyes makes guilt bubble in Kyungsoo's belly. He's been ignoring him all week.
“I think I'm just gonna work through lunch,” Kyungsoo says weakly. He's not sure he's up for socializing right now.
Joonmyun raises his eyebrows and then wheels himself closer. “I think it would do you some good.” His voice is gentle but there's a certain firmness to it, and it sends a rush of affection through Kyungsoo. Joonmyun is persistent, and Kyungsoo appreciates it. Still, Kyungsoo is prepared to protest, but Joonmyun is already ahead of him. “My treat,” he says. Kyungsoo sighs and laughs and Joonmyun breaks into that broad smile of his, eyes crinkling up. “Good! Then it's settled.”
They go to a tiny little restaurant near the office, just after the lunch rush, and Joonmyun chatters cheerfully about a little bit of office gossip, the movie he watched the other night, what he plans to get his girlfriend for their anniversary next week. Despite himself, Kyungsoo flinches when he hears that. “Ah,” Joonmyun says, understanding dawning in his eyes. “That's it, isn't it? What's up with you and Jongin?”
“It's nothing,” Kyungsoo tries to tell him, but Joonmyun pops a bite of food in his mouth and shakes his head.
“It's been throwing you off all week,” Joonmyun points out. Kyungsoo says nothing, choosing to stare down at his plate and toy with his food. “Okay,” he says. The tight line of his mouth tells Kyungsoo that he's curious, but he won't push. “But you need to figure it out. There's only so much solitaire you can play on the clock before someone notices.”
The skies open up when they're almost back at work, and there's something about it that loosens Kyungsoo up a bit. They end up running the last block, laughing and holding their jackets over their heads. Joonmyun ushers Kyungsoo through the door first, a hand on the small of his back, and as the door closes behind them, Kyungsoo could swear he sees someone sitting on a bench across the street in the downpour.
He'd left his cellphone in his desk while they were gone, and he returns to a text. im sorry. Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and thrusts his phone back to the very back of the drawer, closing it with a bang, and throws himself into his paperwork. He's got a backlog after a week of getting almost nothing done, but the storm set off in his head by Jongin's text actually helps him focus, finally. He's so desperate for a distraction that he'll take anything at this point. He pretends not to hear the periodic vibration coming from inside his desk.
By the end of the day, he's made decent headway into the stack of files that sit on his desk, but he's nowhere closer to shaking off the sick aching in his ribcage. Joonmyun squeezes his shoulder as he heads out the door, and Kyungsoo favours him with a quick smile, because he knows he's trying.
He doesn't want to look at his phone, but he does. It's the same thing, over and over again. im sorry, im sorry, im so fuckin sorry. i fucked up bad this time. Kyungsoo would like to say that he's not affected by them, but there is a tiny part of him melting, giving in. Jongin's not good at apologies, he never has been, and Kyungsoo knows that he means it. The problem is, he has to decide if it's enough.
The last one is a bit puzzling. its hard to text in the rain. He stares down at the phone for a few seconds before his eyes widen, and then he's fumbling for his umbrella and jacket and hurrying downstairs.
Jongin is still there on the bench across the street, soaked to the bone. His head is bowed, dark hair plastered to his head, hands tucked between his thighs. Kyungsoo sighs, opens his umbrella, and then dashes out into the torrential downpour.
Jongin's head snaps up when Kyungsoo slides onto the wet bench next to him, holding the umbrella over their heads. “What is wrong with you?” Kyungsoo asks. “How long have you been here? Couldn't you have waited in a store or something?” Jongin's pale with the cold, water droplets caught in his long eyelashes, and it takes everything in Kyungsoo's power to stop himself from reaching up and brushing his bangs out of his face.
“It started raining too fast,” Jongin explains, laughing shakily. “Then I figured, if I was already soaked, it doesn't matter too much.” His eyes are fixed on his hands, and the way they shake worries Kyungsoo.
“Someday,” Kyungsoo tells him. “You are going to have to start checking the weather before you leave the house.” He's scolding because he doesn't know what else to do and it's habit, so engrained in him that he's not sure he knows how to stop.
Jongin licks his lips. “I didn't want to bother you,” he says quietly. “I saw you with someone – you were laughing. I just –“
“You are literally the dumbest person I have ever met.” Jongin wrinkles his nose at that, but he finally turns to look at Kyungsoo, a bit of resentment in his eyes. “That was Joonmyun. Remember when we had him for dinner? He came with Minjung.”
When the name registers, Jongin flushes, wiping some of the rainwater off his face. “Oh.” He holds his fingers to his mouth, a gesture Kyungsoo registers as anxious, and Kyungsoo tries not to crumble. “I'm sorry I'm kind of terrible at like, everything,” Jongin says. “But especially being with you.” When Kyungsoo says nothing, Jongin shifts uncomfortably, toying with his hands in his lap. He still won't meet Kyungsoo's eyes. He always was bad with talking about his feelings. “I can't remember dates, or when to pay bills, or to put out the garbage, and sometimes I lock myself out, and you have to drag me out of bed every morning.” Now it's Jongin's voice that's shaking, and Kyungsoo swallows hard. Despite himself, despite everything, the cold in his chest is thawing.
His breath catches in his throat when Jongin finally dares to look up at him. There are dark circles under Jongin's eyes, and his skin looks terrible. “But I love you,” Jongin says, and it's the desperation in his voice that makes the rest of Kyungsoo's resolve and pain dissolve away. “You're probably the best thing that's happened to me, and I've messed that up beyond repair, probably, but I just want you to know that.”
Kyungsoo examines Jongin, takes in his guarded eyes, his slumped shoulders. He can't have slept at all this week. Dummy. “What would you do without me?” Kyungsoo asks.
“I don't know,” Jongin replies honestly. “Fall apart, probably.”
Kyungsoo knows that his decision was probably already made the minute he saw Jongin sitting here in the rain like a forlorn puppy. Jongin is many, many things, but a liar is not one of them. Nor is he a fan of big dramatic gestures. “Me too.”
Hope sparks in Jongin's and he straightens up immediately, pushing hastily at his wet hair as he searches Kyungsoo's face. “What?”
Kyungsoo catches Jongin's hand with his free one, doing his best to warm up his cold fingers. “Promise me you won't do that again,” he says. “I can deal with no anniversary gifts but I can't deal with no power in our apartment.”
Jongin is nodding before Kyungsoo even finishes speaking. “I promise,” he agrees. “I promise.” His grip on Kyungsoo's hand is crushingly tight but he doesn't do anything else, wary of pushing his luck. It means it's up to Kyungsoo to lean in, pressing his forehead to Jongin's.
“Please don't do that again,” he says, his voice almost a whisper.
Jongin curls one icy hand against Kyungsoo's jaw. “I won't,” he promises fervently. “One week without you was scary enough.”
The kiss Kyungsoo presses to his lips is gentle and slow, and Jongin is uncharacteristically restrained, wet fingers cupping Kyungsoo's face. It feels right, though, in every sense of the word, the hollow space in Kyungsoo's heart filled with the familiar touch of Jongin's hands and mouth.
When he pulls away, the smile Jongin flashes at him is his favourite sight in the world, that sunshine bright grin that only comes out when Jongin is truly happy, and it pulls a smile out of Kyungsoo in return.
“You'd better not catch a cold,” Kyungsoo scolds as he helps Jongin to his feet. “I can't believe you sat out in the rain for hours.” For me, he doesn't add.
Jongin winds a damp arm around Kyungsoo's waist and sighs contentedly. “You'd look after me anyway, wouldn't you, hyung?”
On a normal day, that would just be a throwaway question, a given, but today there's an anxious note to it. Kyungsoo can't help but soothe it away with his answer. “Someone has to,” he agrees, feigning grumpiness. Jongin pushes his cold nose into Kyungsoo's throat and laughs, before pulling away.
When they get home, and Jongin has stripped out of his soaking wet clothes, they curl up on the couch together. There's still a degree of awkwardness, and Kyungsoo can see the restraint in the way that Jongin carefully arranges his hands in his lap instead of sprawling across Kyungsoo's thighs as he normally does. He's watching Kyungsoo out of the corner of his eye like there's another 'I'm sorry' on his tongue, and that, more than anything, is what drives it home for Kyungsoo. The past week has scared the shit out of Jongin. Kyungsoo can't say he's not glad. He doesn't want to be taken for granted. He misses the way that Jongin used to look at him, like he was helpless in the face of Kyungsoo's gravitational pull. He wants that because that's how he knows that he's not the only one.
Jongin's kicked puppy expression is driving him nuts, though, so Kyungsoo tugs him down into his lap, pulling his small hands through Jongin's thick, damp hair. He likes the way that Jongin relaxes into him, finally, watching him through big, half-lidded eyes. “I love you,” Kyungsoo says, apropos of nothing, and the broad, affectionate smile that spreads across Jongin's lips makes his heart stop, like it always does. “I don't think I could stop if I tried.”
“So don't,” Jongin says. He catches Kyungsoo's hand and presses a kiss to his palm. “Please, please don't.” He's warm in Kyungsoo's lap and looking up at him so earnestly and Kyungsoo is pretty sure that he never will.
He forgets, again, pours the second cup of coffee without thinking. Kyungsoo stands for a minute and stares down at it, the steam coming out of the blue mug. His favourite. As he takes a sip of his own coffee, he very sincerely contemplates throwing it across the room. In the end, the thought of cleaning up the spill and the shards of ceramic dissuades him, and he dumps it unceremoniously into the sink.
The anger's still there, he knows. It had taken him three days to sort out the mess with the electric company, and at least half a day had been spent playing with the light switch in the faint hope that it would miraculously start working again. He couldn't believe that Jongin could just forget to pay the bills for three months. He'd been astonished to find the red cut off notice. At least Jongin had had the good grace to look guilty, he supposes.
It was really just the last straw. The list of things Jongin has forgotten is a mile long and just thinking about it gives Kyungsoo a headache. He rubs his forehead as he grabs his keys and heads out the door. The keychain hits his wrist as he locks up, and he pushes away thoughts of Jongin's blinding smile when he'd given it to him, years ago. He has no right to be in his head, even now.
The days at work stretch long, and Kyungsoo can't focus. He usually finds the routine of the numbers he works with relaxing, but for the last week he's struggled to keep his attention on the the job at hand. He splits his time between playing solitaire and staring blankly at the computer screen.
“Why don't we go grab something to eat?” Kyungsoo is startled out of his revery when Joonmyun pops his head around the divider between their cubicles. The concern in his eyes makes guilt bubble in Kyungsoo's belly. He's been ignoring him all week.
“I think I'm just gonna work through lunch,” Kyungsoo says weakly. He's not sure he's up for socializing right now.
Joonmyun raises his eyebrows and then wheels himself closer. “I think it would do you some good.” His voice is gentle but there's a certain firmness to it, and it sends a rush of affection through Kyungsoo. Joonmyun is persistent, and Kyungsoo appreciates it. Still, Kyungsoo is prepared to protest, but Joonmyun is already ahead of him. “My treat,” he says. Kyungsoo sighs and laughs and Joonmyun breaks into that broad smile of his, eyes crinkling up. “Good! Then it's settled.”
They go to a tiny little restaurant near the office, just after the lunch rush, and Joonmyun chatters cheerfully about a little bit of office gossip, the movie he watched the other night, what he plans to get his girlfriend for their anniversary next week. Despite himself, Kyungsoo flinches when he hears that. “Ah,” Joonmyun says, understanding dawning in his eyes. “That's it, isn't it? What's up with you and Jongin?”
“It's nothing,” Kyungsoo tries to tell him, but Joonmyun pops a bite of food in his mouth and shakes his head.
“It's been throwing you off all week,” Joonmyun points out. Kyungsoo says nothing, choosing to stare down at his plate and toy with his food. “Okay,” he says. The tight line of his mouth tells Kyungsoo that he's curious, but he won't push. “But you need to figure it out. There's only so much solitaire you can play on the clock before someone notices.”
The skies open up when they're almost back at work, and there's something about it that loosens Kyungsoo up a bit. They end up running the last block, laughing and holding their jackets over their heads. Joonmyun ushers Kyungsoo through the door first, a hand on the small of his back, and as the door closes behind them, Kyungsoo could swear he sees someone sitting on a bench across the street in the downpour.
He'd left his cellphone in his desk while they were gone, and he returns to a text. im sorry. Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and thrusts his phone back to the very back of the drawer, closing it with a bang, and throws himself into his paperwork. He's got a backlog after a week of getting almost nothing done, but the storm set off in his head by Jongin's text actually helps him focus, finally. He's so desperate for a distraction that he'll take anything at this point. He pretends not to hear the periodic vibration coming from inside his desk.
By the end of the day, he's made decent headway into the stack of files that sit on his desk, but he's nowhere closer to shaking off the sick aching in his ribcage. Joonmyun squeezes his shoulder as he heads out the door, and Kyungsoo favours him with a quick smile, because he knows he's trying.
He doesn't want to look at his phone, but he does. It's the same thing, over and over again. im sorry, im sorry, im so fuckin sorry. i fucked up bad this time. Kyungsoo would like to say that he's not affected by them, but there is a tiny part of him melting, giving in. Jongin's not good at apologies, he never has been, and Kyungsoo knows that he means it. The problem is, he has to decide if it's enough.
The last one is a bit puzzling. its hard to text in the rain. He stares down at the phone for a few seconds before his eyes widen, and then he's fumbling for his umbrella and jacket and hurrying downstairs.
Jongin is still there on the bench across the street, soaked to the bone. His head is bowed, dark hair plastered to his head, hands tucked between his thighs. Kyungsoo sighs, opens his umbrella, and then dashes out into the torrential downpour.
Jongin's head snaps up when Kyungsoo slides onto the wet bench next to him, holding the umbrella over their heads. “What is wrong with you?” Kyungsoo asks. “How long have you been here? Couldn't you have waited in a store or something?” Jongin's pale with the cold, water droplets caught in his long eyelashes, and it takes everything in Kyungsoo's power to stop himself from reaching up and brushing his bangs out of his face.
“It started raining too fast,” Jongin explains, laughing shakily. “Then I figured, if I was already soaked, it doesn't matter too much.” His eyes are fixed on his hands, and the way they shake worries Kyungsoo.
“Someday,” Kyungsoo tells him. “You are going to have to start checking the weather before you leave the house.” He's scolding because he doesn't know what else to do and it's habit, so engrained in him that he's not sure he knows how to stop.
Jongin licks his lips. “I didn't want to bother you,” he says quietly. “I saw you with someone – you were laughing. I just –“
“You are literally the dumbest person I have ever met.” Jongin wrinkles his nose at that, but he finally turns to look at Kyungsoo, a bit of resentment in his eyes. “That was Joonmyun. Remember when we had him for dinner? He came with Minjung.”
When the name registers, Jongin flushes, wiping some of the rainwater off his face. “Oh.” He holds his fingers to his mouth, a gesture Kyungsoo registers as anxious, and Kyungsoo tries not to crumble. “I'm sorry I'm kind of terrible at like, everything,” Jongin says. “But especially being with you.” When Kyungsoo says nothing, Jongin shifts uncomfortably, toying with his hands in his lap. He still won't meet Kyungsoo's eyes. He always was bad with talking about his feelings. “I can't remember dates, or when to pay bills, or to put out the garbage, and sometimes I lock myself out, and you have to drag me out of bed every morning.” Now it's Jongin's voice that's shaking, and Kyungsoo swallows hard. Despite himself, despite everything, the cold in his chest is thawing.
His breath catches in his throat when Jongin finally dares to look up at him. There are dark circles under Jongin's eyes, and his skin looks terrible. “But I love you,” Jongin says, and it's the desperation in his voice that makes the rest of Kyungsoo's resolve and pain dissolve away. “You're probably the best thing that's happened to me, and I've messed that up beyond repair, probably, but I just want you to know that.”
Kyungsoo examines Jongin, takes in his guarded eyes, his slumped shoulders. He can't have slept at all this week. Dummy. “What would you do without me?” Kyungsoo asks.
“I don't know,” Jongin replies honestly. “Fall apart, probably.”
Kyungsoo knows that his decision was probably already made the minute he saw Jongin sitting here in the rain like a forlorn puppy. Jongin is many, many things, but a liar is not one of them. Nor is he a fan of big dramatic gestures. “Me too.”
Hope sparks in Jongin's and he straightens up immediately, pushing hastily at his wet hair as he searches Kyungsoo's face. “What?”
Kyungsoo catches Jongin's hand with his free one, doing his best to warm up his cold fingers. “Promise me you won't do that again,” he says. “I can deal with no anniversary gifts but I can't deal with no power in our apartment.”
Jongin is nodding before Kyungsoo even finishes speaking. “I promise,” he agrees. “I promise.” His grip on Kyungsoo's hand is crushingly tight but he doesn't do anything else, wary of pushing his luck. It means it's up to Kyungsoo to lean in, pressing his forehead to Jongin's.
“Please don't do that again,” he says, his voice almost a whisper.
Jongin curls one icy hand against Kyungsoo's jaw. “I won't,” he promises fervently. “One week without you was scary enough.”
The kiss Kyungsoo presses to his lips is gentle and slow, and Jongin is uncharacteristically restrained, wet fingers cupping Kyungsoo's face. It feels right, though, in every sense of the word, the hollow space in Kyungsoo's heart filled with the familiar touch of Jongin's hands and mouth.
When he pulls away, the smile Jongin flashes at him is his favourite sight in the world, that sunshine bright grin that only comes out when Jongin is truly happy, and it pulls a smile out of Kyungsoo in return.
“You'd better not catch a cold,” Kyungsoo scolds as he helps Jongin to his feet. “I can't believe you sat out in the rain for hours.” For me, he doesn't add.
Jongin winds a damp arm around Kyungsoo's waist and sighs contentedly. “You'd look after me anyway, wouldn't you, hyung?”
On a normal day, that would just be a throwaway question, a given, but today there's an anxious note to it. Kyungsoo can't help but soothe it away with his answer. “Someone has to,” he agrees, feigning grumpiness. Jongin pushes his cold nose into Kyungsoo's throat and laughs, before pulling away.
When they get home, and Jongin has stripped out of his soaking wet clothes, they curl up on the couch together. There's still a degree of awkwardness, and Kyungsoo can see the restraint in the way that Jongin carefully arranges his hands in his lap instead of sprawling across Kyungsoo's thighs as he normally does. He's watching Kyungsoo out of the corner of his eye like there's another 'I'm sorry' on his tongue, and that, more than anything, is what drives it home for Kyungsoo. The past week has scared the shit out of Jongin. Kyungsoo can't say he's not glad. He doesn't want to be taken for granted. He misses the way that Jongin used to look at him, like he was helpless in the face of Kyungsoo's gravitational pull. He wants that because that's how he knows that he's not the only one.
Jongin's kicked puppy expression is driving him nuts, though, so Kyungsoo tugs him down into his lap, pulling his small hands through Jongin's thick, damp hair. He likes the way that Jongin relaxes into him, finally, watching him through big, half-lidded eyes. “I love you,” Kyungsoo says, apropos of nothing, and the broad, affectionate smile that spreads across Jongin's lips makes his heart stop, like it always does. “I don't think I could stop if I tried.”
“So don't,” Jongin says. He catches Kyungsoo's hand and presses a kiss to his palm. “Please, please don't.” He's warm in Kyungsoo's lap and looking up at him so earnestly and Kyungsoo is pretty sure that he never will.
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thanks for the break from all the sad!kaisoo feels i've been having! this was so heartwarming c:
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but no I should have read /fluff/ bingo and yes this was adorable
and wet kai waiting on the bench in the rain and texting in the rain and then kyungsoo being like you are really stupid and the way they make up all hesitantly :( :(
SO CUTE
SO ADORABLE
ROLLS INTO FEELS
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i'm so glad you enjoyed it!! thank you so much
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and even now it's still so wonderful to read ;_________; <33 you have my hearts
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glad things worked out for them :D
heeheehee can't believe jongin would do that but at least they got back together and he's learned his lesson...hopefully ^^
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if you didn't get my little joke, you know the plane thing with lu han showing... kris, i believe, how to use an airbag. i think it was kris anyway.
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THIS IS SO HEARTBREAKINGLY CUTE :c
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I love the realistic side of it, because no relationship is perfect, and yes Jongin, you need to remember to pay the bills :c And the whole scene in the rain was lovely ♥
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He misses the way that Jongin used to look at him, like he was helpless in the face of Kyungsoo's gravitational pull. He wants that because that's how he knows that he's not the only one.
ugh. that line. wow. felt the longing in that one.
the flow of the whole piece is perfection and your word choice is flawless.
<3
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I really really really liked this, the description of Kyungsoo's feeling is perfect.
Thank you for sharing this ✧･ﾟ+:*〜(◕▽◕〜)
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sad at the beginning and then just all lovey dfgkndfs
my kaisoo feels are definitely out of control lol
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Nicely done.
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Also, until he mentions it, I don't see where he feels he was taken for granted in the relationship, and even that was emotional. Again, this is what I got from it.
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sorry back to the topic!
thank god for this story! all the character death kaisoos and then the equally annoying empty-of-real-feeling-lousy-sex-only kaisoos were giving me nosebleeds! this was just right to put everything back right in my kaisoo universe :)
"its hard to text in the rain." - loved it, authornim,
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both porn and angst have their place and i enjoy both but you're right, there seems to be a lack of fic that's just sweet, so sometimes i have to write it!! i'm glad i could help fill that void in your fic reading life, thank you so much!!
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